I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
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