i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize