all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
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I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
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I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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