Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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