she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
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I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
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I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize