You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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