Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Randomize