I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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