My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
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I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
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There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
There's even glitter on my cock...
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