Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
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Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
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She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
He did a backflip because drugs
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize