all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
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The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
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Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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