Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
We're too hungover to prance.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize