it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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