you guys were way drunker than both of me
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
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I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
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Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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