1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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