FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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