I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
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There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
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It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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