3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
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