omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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