I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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