also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
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Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
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I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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