do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize