as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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