Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
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I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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