Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
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I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
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You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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