I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize