At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
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she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
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I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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