mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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