well I can't set my house on fire every night
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Sex in the backyard? Check.
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