Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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