were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
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obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
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Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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