I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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