thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
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We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize