omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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