Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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