2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
cat food counts as protein by the way
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Are we still banned from the library?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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