My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
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