i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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