If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
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my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Are we still banned from the library?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
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So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
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