I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he fucked my hip out of place.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize