i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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