How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
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