the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize