defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
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We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
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It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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