Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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