does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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