The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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