Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize