We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
third nipple confirmed
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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