I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize